Purpose

I just found something that I wrote in my journal in January and it just inspired me, so I though I would share it with you guys.

"Purpose.

I like that word better than dreams. Purpose. A dream is something that happens at night - something you hope will happen but in the reality of daylight know that you're being ridiculous.

Bur purpose. It's what I'm made for. It's what drives me. It's what drove Jesus when He walked on earth. I feel like dreams and purpose are two sides of the same coin. When you're young they're dreams - you can't necessarily carry them out. But when you grow up it has to change to purpose or you will be stuck in immaturity. There comes a time to grow up and own your purpose."

I pray that purpose marks my 26th year of life. I pray that every step I take has the Kingdom marked on it. That when I turn around and see where I have walked over the course of the past year, I will see those footsteps headed towards the Kingdom of God. That when I turn around and look, there will be careful treading where I leaned my ear to the ground and walked with care each step. And I pray that there will be big gaps where I jumped and trusted the Lord to guide my footfalls. I want to trust Jesus so much more than I ever have before.

And I want every footstep to be marked with purpose.

I'm 26, not dead.

I have to remind myself of that sometimes. I am 26, not dead. I still have so much potential - so much life ahead of me. No, my life is not perfect.

(please hang on through the next paragraph, I promise it gets better.)

I do well to live paycheck to paycheck, I just don't make the money to do much more.
I am not married, nor is there one in sight for me.
I desperately want to go to Africa, yet it looks like it's still at least a year away.
I have gifts that I desperately want to develop, but simply don't have the time or resources to develop them like I want to.
I come home to loneliness. Yes it's difficult to come home to a family you're having to support, but I think it's (almost) even more difficult to come home and know it's just you and Jesus, there's no family to meet you at the door and encourage you.
I still don't have my master's degree, which I desperately want.

Ok,there. I got my complaining off of my chest. I said what I wanted to say, but there is truth which rides above so much more.

I have a paycheck. I am blessed to have a job in an industry that's being forced to lay off many workers right now. And I get along really well with management and coworkers.
God did not create me with a desire to marry just to tease me with it. His timing, my story, will be beautiful and perfect. Uniquely made just for me and whoever I marry.
God put the desire for Africa in my heart about 20 years ago. I am so much closer to Africa than I have ever been before. I WILL GO. I will be in that land so soon.
I have been able to slowly develop some skills, have some doors which have been opening, and although it's scary to step into something new, God is meeting me every step of the way.
I don't have the financial pressure of supporting a family. I can get myself into a better place before that is a concern.
I will be getting my master's degree soon, and it won't matter that I'm almost 30 when I do so. Who cares how old I am??


Jesus reminded me tonight that He created me with a purpose. He doesn't make mistakes. There IS a perfect plan and future for my life. And while I'm waiting I will reach out to others. I will pray for more opportunities but I will not waste the opportunities which I have already been provided. And I can intercede! My heart is not bound my land. My heart longs for Africa more than I can verbalize, so I will pray. I will intercede. And when I finally set foot in that land, the ground will have already been tilled. I will be stepping into God's promises and know that He has prepared the way.

I'm 26. I'm not dead.

Never stop growing.

FORWARNING: this post is long. Kudos to those of you who can stick through it.

So I kind of want to post a verse of the day like the youversion app, but it would be kind of intimidating. Ready?

I'M ALIVE!

Shocker, I know. But for real, I haven't posted on here in over two months. I do have a good reason, I promise. The last blog I posted was actually the day that I moved out of the Jameses house and moved in with my mom. What was supposed to be a week stay turned into a month and a half but I'm finally out! The first of this month I moved into a condo with a friend and we are finally setting up house! It's not nearly where I want it to be, but it's getting there. But through all of that I've definitely been learning some lessons and walking in some new understanding.

I had a period of time when i really wasn't getting into the Word like I should. Worship became more awkward and I just wasn't hearing the voice of the Lord. Part of the reason is that my quiet times in the morning are when I like to get into the Word, and for a while I was never by myself in the morning. So I let that slip instead of communing with God throughout the day and getting into the Word on my lunch break. But that's what happened. And then when I finally was alone again in the mornings, it was awkward trying to get back into the Word because I had let my close relationship with the Lord slip for a few weeks. So getting back into the routine was difficult. But there was one thing that God showed me clearly: good deeds do not equal relationship. He also showed me that obedience is just as much a part of worship as singing is, if not more so. If I am obedient to what Jesus is telling me I will learn and desire to grow closer to Him. And I am learning to love to obey! Yes, sometimes it's hard at first. But the reward of His presence is SO worth the sacrifice.

I have many other things which I have learned but don't have time to share. But just know that I am loving learning to love Jesus even more than I have before.

Worship

I wrote this a day or two on another blog that I write for, and thought I would share it here along with some other insight that I had.

"Many times I have heard people say that worship is practice for Heaven. That is Heaven all we will be doing is worshiping and they love worship because it gives them a feel of Heaven. That's a nice thought, but I realized the other day in worship that it simply isn't true. Worship isn't practice. It's for real. Either you're in the presence of God worshiping or you aren't.

I've Got Culture

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that I go to one of the most culturally rich churches in my area. We have African Americans, Latinos from all over Central and South America, Indians, Philippinos, Koreans, Chinese, etc. in our church. Cultures abound in the variety of people, languages, food, and clothing. So I've been thinking about my culture recently. Do I have any?

Living for Eternity

I realized something last night that has been slowly working its way into my brain: I've been living from my past instead of living for eternity.

Um ... what?