"It'll never happen to me."
"I've read about it, I know about it, I know how to avoid it."
"I've lived in America for 27 years. What is there to be shocked about?"
"I've gone to this church for 11 years. No way my 'place' can become an insecurity in two months."
"My friends can't change that much in two months."
"Africa will be different. Not America."
These are all things I told myself before I left for Africa. Even though I had read missionary blogs, had spoken with people about their experiences, and even had the missionaries I was working with in South Africa tell me that I was going to go through reverse culture shock, I didn't believe them. In fact, I thought this knowledge was going to prevent me from going through this. Boy, was I wrong.
So, so, so, so wrong.
My travel back to the states was anything but fun. I spent a total of 24 hours on a plane returning from Africa, and another 10 hours in airports. That is a long stinking time. So I thought that when I arrived baack in America, everything would be fine. I would be ok just as long as I was back on home turf.
Wrong.
When I arrived in the JFK airport in New York I got confused by the bathroom terminology and kept asking where the toilets were. In the bathroom, duh. And gross! Stop asking about toilets. The terminal I arrived in and the terminal I left from were not the same thing, so I had to take a bus to the other terminal. As I got onto the bus I noted that the driver was on the wrong side of the bus. Oh, well, sometimes places do that because it's easier on them somehow. Whatever. But then, another vehicle came at us from the other direction. And all of a sudden, I realized that I didn't know which side of the road it was supposed to pass us on, and I thought we were going to crash. Once the bus passed us, I also realized that the driver was on the correct side of the bus.
Uh-oh.
Once safely in Atlanta, I was relieved just to get into the car with my dad and go home. That is, until we were about 30 minutes down the road. And then I just. couldn't. wear. a. seatbelt. any. longer. I had a mini-panic attack right there in the car. (24 hours of seatbelts will do that to you.) It was a two-hour ride home. Make that 26 hours of seatbelts. I also found that I couldn't watch the other side of the road, because I felt like they were wrong.
Over the next few weeks there were things that continually overwhelmed me. I had a difficult time driving for a while because I couldn't figure out which lane was the fast lane. I occupied the middle lane for about a month. There were times that turning left stressed me the heck out. Once in the middle of Wal-Mart I froze because they had entirely too many canned goods. And I continually called the bathroom a "toilet."
The point is, nothing can really prepare you for reverse culture shock. And nobody can cure it for you. Thankfully I had friends who were willing to be there for me when I was so overwhelmed that I felt like I couldn't function. When I realized that my friends had continued to live their lives without me in my absence. Friends who let me know it was ok to feel insecure and that I would one day regain my footing in my relationships. And I am so grateful for those people. There were also people who didn't understand, and that's ok.
If there is anything that I have learned, it's this:
Never assume you're too good for anything. Just because you're informed doesn't mean it won't happen to you.
2. Know when to ask for help. I am in counseling right now and it's the best decision I could have made.
3. Every experience is different. Everyone will go through reverse culture shock in their own way, so assuming that your experience should be like theirs or that someone should deal with it like you did is wrong.
4. Don't be afraid to admit to your friends when you're having a difficult time. There were times when my friends didn't understand me (especially in those first few weeks) that I wish I had asked them to have patience with me, I wasn't exactly certain what continent I was on.
Today I feel like I am finally settling into a new normal. I can never go back to the way things were, but that is ok. I wouldn't trade Africa for anything.
And I swear that there are monkeys in my neighborhood late at night. Until I get close enough to see that they're cats. But I swear, they're monkeys.
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