I'M ALIVE!

Shocker, I know. But for real, I haven't posted on here in over two months. I do have a good reason, I promise. The last blog I posted was actually the day that I moved out of the Jameses house and moved in with my mom. What was supposed to be a week stay turned into a month and a half but I'm finally out! The first of this month I moved into a condo with a friend and we are finally setting up house! It's not nearly where I want it to be, but it's getting there. But through all of that I've definitely been learning some lessons and walking in some new understanding.

I had a period of time when i really wasn't getting into the Word like I should. Worship became more awkward and I just wasn't hearing the voice of the Lord. Part of the reason is that my quiet times in the morning are when I like to get into the Word, and for a while I was never by myself in the morning. So I let that slip instead of communing with God throughout the day and getting into the Word on my lunch break. But that's what happened. And then when I finally was alone again in the mornings, it was awkward trying to get back into the Word because I had let my close relationship with the Lord slip for a few weeks. So getting back into the routine was difficult. But there was one thing that God showed me clearly: good deeds do not equal relationship. He also showed me that obedience is just as much a part of worship as singing is, if not more so. If I am obedient to what Jesus is telling me I will learn and desire to grow closer to Him. And I am learning to love to obey! Yes, sometimes it's hard at first. But the reward of His presence is SO worth the sacrifice.

I have many other things which I have learned but don't have time to share. But just know that I am loving learning to love Jesus even more than I have before.

Worship

I wrote this a day or two on another blog that I write for, and thought I would share it here along with some other insight that I had.

"Many times I have heard people say that worship is practice for Heaven. That is Heaven all we will be doing is worshiping and they love worship because it gives them a feel of Heaven. That's a nice thought, but I realized the other day in worship that it simply isn't true. Worship isn't practice. It's for real. Either you're in the presence of God worshiping or you aren't.

I've Got Culture

I'm going to step out on a limb here and say that I go to one of the most culturally rich churches in my area. We have African Americans, Latinos from all over Central and South America, Indians, Philippinos, Koreans, Chinese, etc. in our church. Cultures abound in the variety of people, languages, food, and clothing. So I've been thinking about my culture recently. Do I have any?

Living for Eternity

I realized something last night that has been slowly working its way into my brain: I've been living from my past instead of living for eternity.

Um ... what?

Speak up!

I have been thinking a lot over the past few days about how I've gotten to the place I am and why I am here. I have moved through seasons of discouragement, heartache, and, quite frankly, bad decisions. And so I was thinking about how I got the courage to move past those things and take a stand for what is right and true, and how I've overcome so many obstacles. My first and main point of strength has been from Jesus, who has never left me. And after Him there are so many others. I would like to say that it was those who only ever told me how awesome I was, but let's be real. I haven't always been awesome. (I know, your mind is blown.) The people who really have made an impact are those who have been willing to be real with me and not pull punches.

Dream, dream, dream.

For those of you who are musically inclined, I totally just got that song stuck in your head. You're welcome. You can thank me later.

So last night Tony spoke on dreams at Alpha, and it got me to thinking. He said that you have to let your dream die so that it can be resurrected. I've heard that a lot, and I have really tried to absorb it and live by it. But the thing is, it's hard for me to let things go. I have dreams; big dreams. And to be honest, there are a few things that I have let die because I know that now is not the time.

Worship and revelation Pt. 1

(This is probably going to be several postings long ... there's just too much to say all at once.)

I absolutely love to worship. I think I could stay in the presence of God for hours and not get bored. (Hungry, maybe, but not bored.) I have fought battles and gone through trials to come to where I am in worship, and I think that's why it is so sweet to me. But where I have been isn't the point of this post. This post is to share a revelation that I had in worship this past week; to try and put into words what my brain is having a hard time wrapping around.

Freaking stand in the gap!

I was talking to a good friend yesterday and they said something that really struck me: freaking stand in the gap! That phrase just screams passion and dedication. Do I feel so strongly about Jesus and seeing His name lifted high that I am willing to stand in the gap and intercede with everything I have? Is my desire to see others set free and live in the life that God intended for them so strong that I am willing to do what it takes and pray for them to reach that place?

Apple of My Eye

There's this little man that I love a whole stinking lot. He's half hispanic, a quarter Korean, a quarter Caucasian, and all scrumptious. Yesterday Josiah turned 6 months old and I was so excited to see him and hold him - he's so big! Now I love him and his three cousins like they were my own niece and nephews because 1. I don't have any nieces or nephews and 2. Because I just love them! And this post is not to say that I love him above the rest. But yesterday there was just something special about that boy.

Crocodile Tears

I've heard the story several times in my life, and honestly it makes me laugh. When my parents brought me home from the hospital they apparently made me upset and I started crying. Real, legit tears. They saw these two drops spring up ... and laughed. Apparently a 3 day old infant crying is an amusing sight (especially since it's not supposed to happen for a month or two). They knew that day that I would be a crier. But I don't know that anyone could have predicted how much I would have cried recently. I kid you not, I have cried every day for the past few weeks. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. BUT OH MY WORD. It's like someone turned my tears to the "on" position and forgot how to turn it back off. Honestly, though, I think I have good reasons.

Homework and reading and tests, oh my!

I start grad school one week from today. I haven't been in school for a year and a half. So ... this is slightly intimidating. Why? Well for one thing, the syllabus is scary. I mean seriously, they could have included a monster at the end and I think it would have made the whole thing a little happier. =/

During the course of my undergraduate career I did many things

What a ride ...

What a roller coaster of a ride I have been on recently. The events of my life seem to be spinning out of control ... and yet, I'm closer to God than I have ever been before. In the good times and the bad, I have come to a place where I know that I know that I know that He is worthy of all glory and honor. He has never left me or forsaken me, and I wouldn't be anywhere if He had given up on me.

This past year has been utterly ridiculous. I have held 4 different jobs. I worked at a daycare until March, started David's Bridal under the assumption that I would have anywhere from 20-30 hours a week, and stopped working because they literally had no hours to give me. I then worked at an NPO from April until September, when they shut their doors. I went across the street to another bridal business and that was a nightmare. I only worked there for about a month and a half and I haven't worked there since because they don't have any hours to give me either. And as of now I'm still on the job hunt.