Crocodile Tears

I've heard the story several times in my life, and honestly it makes me laugh. When my parents brought me home from the hospital they apparently made me upset and I started crying. Real, legit tears. They saw these two drops spring up ... and laughed. Apparently a 3 day old infant crying is an amusing sight (especially since it's not supposed to happen for a month or two). They knew that day that I would be a crier. But I don't know that anyone could have predicted how much I would have cried recently. I kid you not, I have cried every day for the past few weeks. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. BUT OH MY WORD. It's like someone turned my tears to the "on" position and forgot how to turn it back off. Honestly, though, I think I have good reasons.

In case you haven't heard, my sister and I have had our fare share of crappy situations. (Seriously, we have enough to go around. Anyone want some?) But I have learned that the best way to fight through them is, well, to fight. I have to admit that in the past, I have had a really crappy attitude concerning anything to do with perseverance and lasting through a battle. I would go for a little while, but could be heard frequently saying "I'm tired of fighting. I want to sit down and give up." The reason is that I was relying on myself for strength. Of COURSE I wanted to give up! I wasn't allowing anyone to come alongside and help me out! But in this recent season I have seen the power of prayer and how much you can keep going when others come alongside and lift up your arms in battle.

The past month or so around here has been crazy. I lost my job for the 100th time (it seems like) and have been searching for a new one for a while. And (praise God!) I am going in next week for a second interview for a full-time job!! WOO HOO!!! But anyway, we've been struggling through that and something else that I'm sure most of you know about: my sister's recent diagnosis. I feel funny saying that she has anything, because I really don't want to speak that over her. But she definitely received a diagnosis, so that's what we're going with on here.

We found out this week that she has to have a mastectomy and will go through chemotherapy. Two difficult, awful blows. And I also received some bad news this week (which I am keeping fairly private), which honestly made me sit down and bawl like a baby. So why am I telling you all this? To tell you that my God is GOOD.

There have been many times where I have been so overwhelmed that I couldn't see clearly. And in the midst of those moments I have felt Holy Spirit surround me with His peace. Literally, I have felt His presence like never before. And it's such an amazing time, such a privilege to experience such peace.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.- Philippians 4:7

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. - Philippians 4:9

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. - Isaiah 26:3

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. - Colossians 3:15

Not only have I learned about peace, I have learned what a blessing it is to have people come alongside and fight with you in fierce battles. In the past I have been heard to say that I just want to sit down and give up. But because of this attack there has been a fire kindled inside of me: I. WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP. Not in my own strength do I carry on, but that of the Holy Spirit inside of me and the love of others surrounding us. I am beyond grateful to 5 specific women in my life who have let me cry on their shoulders, comforted me when there were no words, and never given up on me. I am so grateful for their help and being there to love and support me. I also appreciate the love, prayers and support of the rest of my church family and others who are surrounding us. It means so much to us. Thank you for all you have done and will do. And please, do not stop praying. We are just beginning this fight, but we are determined to finish it well. With our heads lifted high and the glory going to God. He's the one who deserves it, anyway.