Over the past year and a half to two years I have had my fair share of trials. There have been many ups but also many downs. I have been diagnosed with Asthma after having a full-blown asthma attack in a third world country, I have had the flu and a 24-hour bug within weeks of each other, several colds, lost my job twice (in the last 6 months), am currently in a job which has sent me home in tears, and am currently typing this as I have mono. Oh and I'll be surprised if my car lasts me another 5 years. It's a '96 and is missing more parts than it has. And that's not even touching on the relationship issues that I've had (which I won't go into.) Needless to say, I look forward to the bright spots on the horizon and take hope in those times.
This past weekend I had an amazing cheesecake sampling party and was looking forward to working my first encounter! I know it's exhausting but I love to minister and it's an amazing privilege to be trusted by God and my leaders to be a part of the team. And then I woke up on Monday morning and knew something was wrong. I have been feeling pretty gross for a few days (which made for a LOT of hand washing while I was making cheesecakes!) but I thought it was just a common cold. But when I had a sore throat with no sneezing or coughing I knew something wasn't right. Tuesday at 1:30am I was awake letting some dogs outside when it all of a sudden hit me that I had mono. I went to the doctor at 11:00 yesterday and found out it was true. Where I got it from I have no idea, but there it is. And to quote the doctor "your throat looks rough!" So I was ordered home to rest, push fluids, and not do anything. Oh and also to watch out not to rupture my spleen, since they usually swell when a person has mono.
So last night I was sitting all scrunched up in my recliner when my vision went blurry and sharp pain began radiating through my left side. So being the hypochondriac I am, I promptly FREAKED OUT and called my mom. I ended up taking an ambulance to the hospital and being drugged (& being pretty loopy) only to be told that I had probably just pinched a swollen lymph node in my stomach and irritated my spleen but nothing looked ruptured or torn. This morning I got a call from my youth pastor since I had called him on my way to the hospital and was told that I may need to take it easy this weekend and not work the encounter. And I got MAD. I mean so upset that I was crying and screaming at God. Pr. Scott and I discussed it and I actually will be working, but not staying the whole time. After I got off the phone I was so angry at God and confused. Why would He let me get sick? He knows how much I have been looking forward to this - and for how long!
At first I didn't want to read my Bible or pray, and to be honest I didn't. I pulled out a book and ignored God for a little while, but eventually realized that ignoring Him hurt worse than talking to Him about my anger. I had already decided that God is good whether I work the encounter or not, but I still was so upset. So I turned to my daily reading, and came across Genesis 45:5&7. I may have had a rough few years, but nothing compared to Joseph. I have not been betrayed by my siblings, accused of all kinds of lies, and imprisoned. Compared to Joseph I've got it pretty good. So even though I know how the story goes, I was still amazed at what he says to his brothers when he faces them. He says "And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you ... But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance."
Can I do that? Can I look at all the circumstances which have affected me? Can I look at each thing I have walked through, and say "don't be sorry for the grief you caused me. God used it for my good so that I can minister to others?" Even this mono. Let's be honest: I don't slow down. Even when I am being lazy, I'm usually crocheting or knitting something to sell, baking something, or thinking about the million things I need to do. But since I'm sick I can't do any of that because it'll get my germs on it. But that's the only reason I'm not doing it; I usually don't take the time to rest. So if this time hadn't been forced on me, I don't know that I would have been rested for this weekend. I would have come into the weekend running on nothing but steam from the week, and probably would have crashed and burned on the Encounter. I would have looked like the most amazing intercessor ever, never opening my eyes from prayer or even taking a bathroom break, when in reality I would probably be fast asleep. So God knows what He's doing, even if I don't. I do pray for healing and am speaking it over my body (which to be honest I feel 10 times better today!) but I also pray for His grace to be effective this weekend. I want to be able to intercede this weekend with a freshness and a singular purpose without having to count down the minutes until I can get into my bed. And I believe that rest and freshness is just what He is bringing. Truth be told, I haven't felt this rested in a very long time. And it's the grace of God that has slowed me down and blessed me.
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