I have been noticing His grace so much in my life recently, which has come through my blogs somewhat.
I just wanted to say that He's awesome. For real.
This was going to be a post rambling about my frustration, but it has quickly turned into a great lesson for me. I'm learning as I write, so read this lesson as I'm learning it:
When I was little I wanted to play the flute soooo badly. I loved listening to it. My family is musical so I just knew that if I could get my hands on one, I would be able to play it. My parents saw this desire but didn't have the money to get me a flute, so they did the next best thing that they knew to do. A girl at church had a clarinet that she no longer played, so my parents borrowed it for me. As much as I appreciated the thought, I didn't want it. I don't think I even tried to play it. I wanted a flute. Clarinet does not equal flute. Period.
So we moved to a new town and the first summer that we were there my parents found someone to let me borrow her flute. This was the summer before 7th grade so I was already behind. I was not enrolled in public school at that point, but I was going into public school in the fall so I needed to learn how to play. My parents got me a learner's book, handed me the flute, and said "learn." And I did. Boy, did I. I loved that thing. I'm sure I drove my family crazy with my constant playing, but it was the first time that I had an opportunity to play the much-desired instrument. The first time that I saw that patience, persistence, and not settling paid off. With the right instrument I flourished.
I went to school and learned that I was about in the middle of the skill of the girls who were already playing. Within a year I had them all beat by a mile. I got to high school and had two people who were seated above me, but within a year it there was no one. I was top chair and section leader by my Sophomore year. I even got to play the Stars and Stripes piccolo solo that year (which, if you don't know, is a BIG deal for a piccolo player.) Oh yeah, I was even loaned a piccolo to play by the school. And by that point, I had my flute. My gorgeous, gold-plaited flute. I loved it.
And then I moved to Augusta. At first I wasn't the best and had to fight my way to the top. But fight, I did. And by second semester of my Senior year I was top chair in the top band. I then moved to college and joined the band, but flute wasn't my top priority anymore. So it sits there and stares at me, wanting to be played.
I also have wanted to play the flute and guitar. So I bought a guitar for my birthday last year, and sadly it sits in the corner and stares at me. Occasionally I take it out to play, but that's rare. Why? Because I'm not good at it. I know that with practice I might be able to get it, but guitar doesn't make much sense to me. Piano is another elusive instrument, mainly because I don't have one. When I'm around a piano I'm incredibly annoying because I can't keep my hands off of it. And I'm not good at it. But I want to be. But all the while I'm wishing I could play the piano, my flute sits and gathers dust.
Why did I type all this? Not to say "look at me, I'm awesome. Look at what I did!" The lesson I'm learning is to thrive as the instrument God has created you to be. As He has created ME to be. I can play the guitar some, and I can play the piano some. And I'm ok at them. People can be blessed by me playing those instruments, but that's not where my major gifting is. God gave me the gift to play flute. And when I play the instrument that feels like it was made for me, that's when the huge blessings start rolling in. I feel God's presence the most when I play my flute. But the thing is, flute isn't conventional. It isn't something that I can just carry places and pull it out and start playing. So when I do play, it's very vulnerable. It's a gifting that in some places is accepted, but others I have to put myself on the line and trust God that I'm not going to look like a fool. Trust Him that the gifting He gave me is actually supposed to be used. If I use the guitar, I will be more widely accepted, but it's not where my strength lies.
Are you getting this yet? Do you know what I'm trying to say?
God has created you with a specific purpose. Yes, you can choose to operate in another purpose, and He has given you more than one talent. But there is one great purpose that God has created you for, and when you operate in that gifting you will flourish and God will bless you incredibly. But if you are too embarrassed to operate in that gifting because it's unconventional or not widely accepted, then you are selling yourself and God short. Again, not that there is not a place for those things. There are. But even if you have to "play your flute in your room" so to speak, if you have to practice those giftings in private (between you and God), do it. Don't let those gifts go to waste. They are precious, and they are from God.
And one more point I'd like to make: waiting is so worth it. I might write more on that tomorrow (or soon) but maybe not. We'll see. But know that waiting on God's timing is NEVER a bad thing. That's when the huge blessings come and God shows you that His plan is so much greater than your own.
Ok ... now it's time to do some homework. ew. =)
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